Corrigan’s Corner: 10 Guarandamntees By Dec. 31, 2015

I was supposed to review DDP Yoga after it powered me through a brutal 5K last weekend, but spontaneous bursts of Negrodamus have kept me up all night.

Professional wrestling has never felt more stagnant than right now. WWE recycles John Cena and Randy Orton matches, TNA hypes dim announcements of a promising future on a weekly basis, and Global Force Wrestling keeps adding foreign talent rosters to its database.

I don’t follow Ring of Honor’s TV show, but I love attending its live events. Best bang for your buck in the business.

Aside from The Rock and Mick Foley’s surprise appearances over the past few weeks, pro wrestling seems just so damn predictable. Maybe after 14 years of studying the art, I’ve mastered the counters and anticipated the run-ins.

After all, I did go on the record two weeks before WrestleMania XXX and accurately pick Brock Lesnar to end the Undertaker’s Streak.

Bring me to Vegas, baby.

I’m so full of myself that I’ve decided to list ten predictions for the world of wrasslin’ between now and Dec. 31, 2015.

I guarandamntee all of these will occur, and even if only one does not, I will wear an article of John Cena clothing for 365 days ala Mick Foley’s ode to Santa Claus.

I ain’t scared.

Dean Ambrose Bleeds Heavily At Hell In A Cell

The Lunatic Fringe realizes Sunday’s pay-per-view is ripe for him and Seth Rollins to steal the show. Ambrose also realizes that despite the blading ban, WWE officials can’t afford to punish their arguably #1 babyface in this time of star-power desperation. Win, lose, or inexcusable draw, Ambrose will don the crimson mask in Satan’s Structure.

Mr. America Returns For One-Night-Only To Hulk Up On Rusev
If you’re going to waste Hulk Hogan’s credibility on corporate shilling, go balls out and dust off the Mr. America mask for three punches to Rusev and a toss over the top rope, brother.

Daniel Bryan Wins The Royal Rumble
Tommy John surgery or not, the Miracle Kid will emerge from the 40 competitors as the ultimate victor. Vince McMahon owes the WWE Universe from not including Bryan in last year’s disastrous Rumble, and there’s no better city than Philly for WWE’s mea culpa. John Cena’s torn pectoral muscle fooled me in 2008…I won’t be fooled again.

TNA Finally Shuts Down
No TV deal, no dice. It pains me as I’ve previously mentioned my TNA fandom on this site, but Dixie Carter needs to pull the plug on her pet project. As for the incredible grapplers, they’ll flood the indy scene and ROH which will most definitely boost the fledging promotion to another level, perhaps mainstream.

Joan Rivers Inducted Into WWE Hall of Fame
This is the only long shot on the list because the whole point of inducting celebrities is having their presence at WWE’s annual black tie affair. Even though the iconic comedian unfortunately won’t be able to attend, WWE will still cash in on the timeliness of Rivers’ death and suck up any accompanying publicity.

Adrian Neville Holds The United States And Intercontinental Championships Simultaneously
The current NXT Champion will be called up to the main roster before WrestleMania, one would think. Neville will win the I.C. title on his first try, then the U.S. belt because WWE will have no idea what to do with him. Of course, he’ll often lose non-title matches just like every other champion.

J.R.’s book hits #1 on the New York Times best-sellers list
Fans have been salivating since Jim Ross announced his intention to write an autobiography. Slated for publication in the spring, the memoir of the greatest wrasslin’ announcer ever will equal huge buys due to his loyal following and free promotion via PodcastOne.

John Cena marrying Nikki Bella will main event a PPV

Y’all harp on WWE for ignoring the storylines on Total Divas, so now you’ll get what you want. But you damn sure won’t like it. Eventually Nikki will see the error in her ways, thanks to her charming better half. Thus, love will be in the air at the end of a 3 hour PPV. SummerSlam 91 set the precedent. Obviously Cena and Bella are no Macho Man and Elizabeth, but Cena’s starpower is enough to warrant the main event slot. Plus, with PPVs no longer carrying the same importance due to $9.99, there’s no real risk involved with substituting a marriage for a match. Speaking of which…

WWE Network rises to $19.99
No chance in hell does the WWE Network remain at such a low price especially with how much it now factors into the company’s bottom line. Even though “9.99” has become the most over entity of the year, as history indicates, WWE has no issue with cooling off hot acts.

Brock Lesnar returns to UFC
The Beast Incarnate will conquer for the last time at WrestleMania 31. Then the next night on RAW, Lesnar will be defeated by either Roman Reigns, Bryan, Randy Orton or SuperCena. His contract with WWE will expire and the 1 in 21-1 will return to the Octagon to build a new cabin made out of millions of dollars.

Wrestledelphia.com assistant editor John Corrigan can be reached at . Follow him on Twitter at .