Corrigan’s Corner: 6 Complaints from Wrestling Fans (That Need to Stop)

I apologize for not posting on Wrestledelphia in a few weeks. My friend from Philly, the one who lets me mooch off his Network subscription and actually reads this site, visited my humble abode in Huntsville. We had a blast touring Nashville honkytonks, hitting on obese southern belles, and shouting “Roll Tide!” One night he mentioned how Wrestledelphia claims to be an “alternative take on the squared circle,” but we post universal content such as RAW reviews. He suggested we take a completely irreverent approach like when Crossing Broad posted nude pics of athletes.

I don’t really want to see Heyman’s “ponytail,” so I’m channeling his advice in a different manner.

I’m calling out all of you so-called wrestling fans—the ones who bitch and moan every Monday night about the complacency, lack of continuity, repetitiveness, and verbal throat-shoving displayed by WWE.

Sometimes you have a point. But in general, the Internet Wrestling Community is a cesspool of negativity for a hobby we all supposedly love. Constant complaining over things that expose your lack of knowledge about the industry such as…

PPV main events ending in DQ

The unbelievable outrage over John Cena defeating Brock Lesnar by disqualification at Night of Champions was head-scratching. Obviously, it wasn’t the ending we all hoped for; but by no means was it a slap in the face to the paying customer. You’re paying $9.99 for the most wrasslin’ content ever assembled in the history of the planet. You’re not paying $50 for a pay-per-view anymore. And if you are, then you’re a fool. Subscribe to the WWE Network or stream it illegally online. C’mon, it’s 2014. Save that money for school loans or car insurance or $9.95 Pro Wrestling Illustrated magazines.

In the territorial days, main events would end in DQs all the time so the heel champion could keep the belt while the face challenger remained strong. Ric Flair must have hung on to the gold after a low blow or Four Horsemen attack more times than he’s been married. And he’s regarded as the greatest champion of all time, deservedly so. Plus, no matter who you rooted for at Night of Champions, you got what you wanted. If you’re a Cena fan, sure, you’re pissed he didn’t win the title, but he beat Brock Lesnar’s ass just as he vowed. If you’re a Lesnar fan, you’re happy he’s still champ. And if you’re a Seth Rollins fan, you’re ecstatic that he’s inserted into the main event picture. If you’re not a fan of any of the above wrestlers, stop watching.

WWE Champion working a part-time schedule

Fellow Wrestledelphia writer Evan Cross and I should have did a point/counterpoint regarding the WWE Champion working a part-time schedule. Evan says there’s too much programming in today’s WWE and Lesnar’s absence will give us more John Cena vs. Randy Orton as evidenced by this past Monday. However, Brock barely appeared in the build-up for Night of Champions, and the product didn’t suffer too much. You’ll argue that it gave more screen time to the Bellas, but I enjoyed #GrowingUpBella. You’ll argue that it gave more screen time to the Miz and his stunt double, but they make me laugh. And you’ll argue that it allowed Mark Henry and Rusev to end the go-home show…which I will concede to. Here’s the thing—when Brock finally showed up to brawl with Cena, that was electric. His pre-tape interviews inject reality into the product. His rare appearances as champion make them all the more special. He’s the baddest motherfucker on the planet. You’re damn right he’ll show up when he wants. And you’re going to pay for it. If you crave title fights, watch Sheamus and Cesaro steal the show. Or the Dust brothers and Usos. Maybe even A.J. and Paige. There are plenty of other champions carrying their weight on a weekly basis to provide compelling television. If you’re not a fan of any of the above wrestlers, stop watching.

Cody Rhodes should turn on Goldust

Speaking of the Dust bros, why are you in such a hurry to split them? They’re a great tag team with chemistry, cool entrance music, solid matches, and freshness. We have only tipped the iceberg of their characters, as evidenced by the surprising heel turn a few weeks ago. Stardust is the most creative character since the Wyatt Family and he’s now the most creative since they’ve cooled off. (Complaints about the Wyatts’ current purgatory are justified and will be fully supported in another column.) What is this appeal about a feud between Cody and Goldust? Because their brothers? Add it to The Undertaker vs. Sting—I don’t get it. The Dust bros are both vicious, cowardly, bizarre heels and that’s exactly what we need. I agree that Cody is extremely talented and should be main-eventing, but he’s reinvigorating the tag team division like we’ve all clamored for since 2000. If you’re not a fan of the current tag team division, stop watching.

Hulk Hogan wrestling one more match

He’s old, he’s immobile, and he’ll take the spotlight away from the young guys. You’re right. But his name is synonymous with professional wrestling. He deserves one last match. Who cares if it sucks? You’ll get jacked up promos, ripped t-shirts, “Real American,” and that 10 minute show-closing pose. If you’re not a fan of Hulkamania, stop watching.

Stop chanting CM Punk

No. If I want to chant for CM Punk, I’ll do it. So will plenty of other fans all over the world. We’re not offended that he “took his ball and went home.” He entertained us for years and single-handedly carried WWE during 2012. If he’s pissed with management, that’s his deal. I respect men and women who do things their own way. Why is it an insult when fans chant for him during AJ’s matches? She’s certainly not offended that the love of her life made such an impact on the lives of millions of people. And if you want to condemn fans for chanting CM Punk, don’t complain when fans have their signs taken away. If you want to bring up the paying customer argument over Cesaro signs, then you can’t soil your shorts over three-syllable chants unrelated to ECW. If you’re not a fan of freedom of speech, stop watching.

John Cena needs to turn heel

God, this infuriates me. If John Cena turns heel, then we’ll lose those “Let’s Go Cena/Cena Sucks” chants. We’ll sacrifice the most passionate crowd reactions in the history of sports-entertainment. You’re telling me that you’ll buy his goofy shirts, eat Fruity Pebbles, and wipe your ass with his rally towel? You won’t and you shouldn’t. Unlike most of you, I’ve always despised John Cena. As my friends can attest, I hated that rap shit. I still do. And I’ll never forgive him for disparaging John Ritter after his death. I loathe how he changed his finisher from the F.U. to the kid-friendly Attitude Adjustment. He was on Larry King with Bret Hart and a wrestlers’ union was brought up and Cena dismissed it. There are many reasons I truly don’t like John Cena so it doesn’t matter whether he’s promoted as heel or face.

The amount of hatred I hold for him is great because he has me so emotionally invested in his character that I’ve paid to witness The Rock, Brock Lesnar, and many others whoop his ass. I’m sure many of you feel the same way. You’re not going to cheer for a villainous Cena. You physically can’t. His unparalleled length on top of the company won’t let you. His multimillion dollar home won’t let you. His refusal to take a break from the spotlight won’t let you. As CM Punk said, John Cena is the Yankees. And maybe, just maybe, when he hits a walk off in his last home game, even the most jaded of us will tip our hat to him. Until then, keep kissing babies and hugging fat chicks, Cena. I’m not a fan, but I’ll keep watching.