Corrigan’s Corner: WrestleMania 32 Review

You must experience WrestleMania.

If you’re a wrasslin’ fan, you need to attend at least one. You need to feel the energy of hundreds of thousands of people who’ve had to defend their passion their entire lives, and sometimes even hide it. You need to see the smiles on their faces as they storm an entire city in wrestling shirts. You need to hear the Wooos! and New Day claps stretching miles long. WrestleMania cultivates a sense of belonging and magnificence. It’s an addiction.

Hell, I’ve been to four Manias now, and I can’t get enough!

Unlike the other three, though, this one is a tale of two reactions: you either watched at home and were disappointed as my fellow Wrestledelphia comrades were, or you watched live and aside from the main event, thought it was spectacular.

Originally, I ranked it as a top 5. But the rum and coke has dried up so I’ve come to my senses and lowered it to top 10. Here’s why:

The opener was amazing. Not Kalisto vs. Ryback, not even the 7-man ladder match, I’m talking about opening your eyes and seeing more than 100,000 people packed into AT&T Stadium. Being a part of that crowd was half the reason to go. Even though everyone believed that the Pontiac Silverdome record would never be broken, it’s safe to say this one truly won’t.

Now for the 7-man ladder match, hot damn that was fun. Owens and Zayn trading blows, Sin Cara falling onto the rope and then swantoning off, Stardust pulling out the polka dot ladder. Despite it being rendered pointless the next night, Ryder’s shocking win felt truly deserved after his momentum was curbed four years prior at WrestleMania XXVIII.

Chris Jericho and AJ Styles had their best match together. While I agree that Styles deserved the victory more, I’m not nearly as appalled as when Sting lost his first Mania match. Maybe that makes no sense considering Sting was in the last chapter of his career while Styles is less than six months into his WWE run, but I find it easier to hate Triple H than Y2J. Especially with how great the match was and how Styles redeemed himself the next night on RAW.

New Day stumbling out of a cereal box was creative, ridiculous and hilarious.
Rusev entering without a tank was depressing, deflating and downright malarkey.

C’mon, look how far the Bulgarian Brute has fallen in a year. Defending the U.S. Title against John Cena…to being lost in the shuffle of a 6-man designed for a greater purpose. Obviously that purpose was fantastic because it involved Mick Foley, a jacked Shawn Michaels in his ring gear for the first time since 2010, and a couple of KICK-WHAM-STUNNERS!

Austin shucking and jiving with Xavier gets added to the greatest WrestleMania moments.

Speaking of lost in the shuffle, what the hell happened to Brock Lesnar? His “No Holds Barred Street Fight” with Dean Ambrose left me with bluer balls than Darden ditching Marcia. If you’re going extreme hyperbole with the name of the match, then go all out. Carve a head with Barbie, chop Heyman’s head off with the chainsaw. Do something! The brevity of the bout, lack of blood and limited suplexes (should have been 32) hurt what Evan Cross and I predicted to be the match of the night.

Fortunately, another prediction came true as Charlotte, the ultimate women’s wrestler, the premiere promo, the gorgeous goddess, the vanguard of the Diva’s Revolution and civil rights movement and vagina monologues, strutted into Dallas as the Diva’s Champion and strutted out as Women’s Champion.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hot Take: I hate the design of the belt. I get that it’s supposed to show how women are equal with men, but every belt should have its own unique style.

Cold Take: This match was the showstealer.

And then the Hell in a Cell—WWE’s desperate attempt to stir a buzz after several injuries plagued the roster and all the legends refused to sacrifice their bodies for one last match. After a month of Shane McMahon bouncing around and everybody being called a “bitch,” the match with the highest stakes lived up to most of the hype. Was it unfathomable that Shane could beat up the Deadman as much as he did? Yes. Was it a waste of time to have Undertaker win? Certainly. But did Shane O’Mac, at 46 years old, jump off the 20-foot cage and crash through a table?

OH HELL YEAH!

The match was basically big spot, rest, big spot, rest with a confusing story failing to provide drama. Shane’s hand motions challenging Taker to bring more punishment was more effective when HBK did it at WrestleMania XXVI. I would have also preferred if Undertaker could have chokeslammed each of Shane’s kids. Then we’d have a definite villain and hero.

The Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal, a slap in the face to Andre’s legacy, was much better than last year’s snorefest and served as a great buffer. DDP, Tatanka, SHAQ!? I don’t care for Baron Corbin, illegitimate son of KYW legend Ron, but glad he won. Time for the new blood to rise.

I’m afraid to share my thoughts on The Rock segment because unconfirmed Wyatt member Mark Whited knows where I live so I’ll just say Cena saving his WrestleMania rival was pretty cool. After witnessing their back-to-back bouts, this was full circle.

As for the main event, what’s left to say? We knew it would happen. We knew how the crowd would react. It would have been more fun booing Reigns had the show not reached nearly seven hours. Even me, diehard fan, night owl, had to tap out. Unfortunately, Reigns didn’t despite HHH working the arm for seemingly forever.

At least Steph ate a spear.

What you didn’t see after the show went off the air was Triple H and his sexy dominatrix wife embrace their family in the front row (Linda included) and then walk up the long ramp, hands held, and turn around to see the massive audience. Triple H and Steph pointed at the WWE logo and then pointed around the stadium, indicating that the fans are what make WWE the successful juggernaut it has become.

It was a cool acknowledgement and a subtle thank you from the puppet masters for keeping their traveling circus a multi-million dollar success.