Corrigan’s Corner: House of Hardcore Is Wrasslin’ Heaven

After attending the Royal Rumble, ROH War of the Worlds Night 1 & Night 2, and both nights of NXT Philly, I can safely say that House of Hardcore X was the most fun I’ve had at a wrasslin’ show this year.

For results, check out Mark’s piece here.

Why HOH 10 was awesome:

• You can park on the side of the ECW Arena. Yes, that’s right, after years of risking a parking ticket or a break-in by leaving your car God knows where, a police officer revealed that cars are permitted to park between the poles on Swanson Street.

• The Meet-and-Greet was very chill. Unlike Ring of Honor’s fan fest where you wait in line to purchase tickets and then move in orderly fashion to meet your desired star, HOH’s festivities required no ticket, no line and no fuss. Just walk up to the table of the star whom you want an autograph from or photo taken with, and pay the $15 or $20 requested.

• Mark and I couldn’t pass up getting a pic with Tajiri. Rob Feinstein handled his merch because the jury is still out on whether the Japanese Buzzsaw comprehends English.

• Also snapped a shot with Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart because 1. He’s a legend 2. I envy his goatee.

• Tommy Dreamer has gathered the perfect blend of talent for his roster: young bucks like JT Dunn and the Samoan Empire, indy veterans like Chris Hero and Colt Cabana, established names like Bobby Roode and Abyss, and ECW legends like…well, we’ll get to them.

• Justin Roberts handled the announcing.

• Only in Philly will you hear chants such as “You Fat Fuck,” “Please Don’t Eat Him,” and “Eat a Salad.”

• Chris Hero: This man is OVER. He’s got that Dusty Rhodes-level babyface power. From his entrance in which he sings his theme song while fist-pumping every fan in the front row, to “Death by Elbow” on his trunks, to his jaw-dropping agility, Hero captivates you. He’s the most athletic fat man I’ve ever seen. He dove over the ropes like Undertaker, but landed on the apron, doing a handstand to the floor. Triple H’s biggest mistake while in charge was letting him go.

• Billy Kidman was hanging by the commentary table. Spotted Homicide, too.

• If WWE won’t give us a Survivor Series-style match, HOH sure will. The 10-man tag team bout pitted the Samoan Empire, Jade from TNA’s Dollhouse, and a Wrestling Jesus against Colt Cabana, Team Tremendous, and Philly favorites the FBI. Unfortunately, Team Tremendous found a foreign object on the referee before the match, and kicked him out of the ring. Saving the day, and getting a massive pop, was Earl Hebner.

• Cabana may be the best wrestler at listening to a crowd currently in the business. His fun-loving personality certainly rubs off on the fans, and he reacts to their chants like an improv maestro. He became smitten with Jade throughout the match, seemingly getting aroused with every chop and even pulling down his singlet strap to offer his nip. However, Jade responded with a German suplex, disgusted by the horny podcaster’s antics.

• It’s hijinks that you don’t see in WWE anymore and is sorely missed.

• Roberts introduced a video package honoring Dean Malenko who was entering the Hardcore Hall of Fame. Watching the video reminded you of how significant The Shooter’s career has been: the Four Horsemen, Triple Threat, Radicalz, feud with Chris Jericho, Cruiserweight Championship, Light-Heavyweight Championship, WCW, ECW, WWE. The second-generation competitor has left his mark on the sport, and thankfully, HOH granted him the opportunity to be recognized by the fans.

• If only a few of those fans hadn’t interrupted Malenko’s speech. I get that you’re amped and boozed up, but c’mon, it’s disrespectful to yell out during his moment. And you’d have to be drunk to instigate a man known as The Shooter.

• Malenko discussed his friendship and rivalry with the late Eddie Guerrero, whose tragic death took place 10 years to the day. In a fitting tribute and genuine surprise, Malenko announced Guerrero was joining him in the Hall of Fame, as Latino Heat’s banner was revealed next to Malenko’s.

• In what I predicted would be the match of the night, and to Mark and the majority of fans’ dismay, I stand by, Austin Aries defeated Bobby Roode with a full moon. Rather than the crash-and-burn spotfests revered by the Philly crowd, the former tag team partners told a story: Who is the Dirtiest Heel? Low blows, back rakes, eye pokes, every rule was broken as the former TNA World Champions tried to one-up each other. In the end, Roode rolled up Aries and yanked his tights, but “The Greatest Man That Ever Lived” countered with a roll up and yank of his own, exposing the “It Factor’s” ass to the world.

• In the main event, Ethan Carter III teamed up with TNA comrade and nutcase Eric Young to battle Tommy Dreamer and returning to the U.S. for the first time in 10 years, Tajiri. J.R. often claims there are no more true villains left in wrestling, as today’s “heels” try to be cool or are forced to adhere to politically-correct practices. But I’ll tell you what, Young gives zero fucks what the people think, and you get the feeling he legit doesn’t like most fans.

• As for the match, Tajiri hasn’t aged and can still bust out his signature springboard elbows, devastating kicks, and hell yeah, Tarantula. Dreamer also locked in a Tarantula, but it looked more like a reverse sea turtle. All of the classic weapons were used: trash cans, barbed wire, and a cheese grater, which the “Innovator of Violence” shredded EC3’s tush with.

• Then Chris Mordetzky ran in and locked Dreamer in the Masterpiece. Cue a slimmer yet never sober Sandman to free his extreme cohort with a Singapore cane shot.

• Then Pepper Parks (former PWI 500 rankee) crashed the party, and things looked dire for the fan faves.

• Until…

• The “Suicidal, Homicidal, Genocidal, Death-Deyfing” SABU emerged out of the darkness, pummeling everyone in his path.

• The night ended with the ECW icons celebrating in the ring with a beer bash as the crowd sang along to “Enter Sandman.”

Thank you, Tommy.

It was bliss.